Many of us have been led to believe that the usefulness of striking a child outweighs the obvious immediate outcomes of pain, shame, and anger. There are many alternatives.
Powerful Excerpt from Redirecting Children's Behavior
Goal of Attention
(child is interrupting you)
- make no eye contact
- do not speak to child
- make child feel loved (without words)
- take action as soon as child annoys you
- teach child to get attention appropriately
Goal of Power
- give choices, not orders
- don't play "tug of war"
- give friendly eye contact
- don't fight and don't give in
- give child useful ways to feel powerful
- teach child to win/win negotate
Goal of Revenge
- do not hurt back
- reestablish the relationship
- use logical consequences the child will enjoy
- make amends if you are wrong
- teach child to assert feelings of hurt in appropriate ways
Goal of Avoidance
- don't coax or feel sorry for child
- arrange for success in small, manageable steps
- avoid doing things for child
- find or create situations in which child can feel valuable
- teach child to feel capable by overcoming obstacles and accomplishing tasks
