That is how we begin turning our children into "good" little lying robots who will ignore their own needs and hide their authenticity in the name of protecting other peoples' feelings. You might say, "But I want my child to understand their words and actions have an affect on others." There is a way of speaking that will teach your child much more about feelings and needs than being polite ever will. Here is a chart showing the pros and cons of talking nice vs. speaking with compassionate honesty.
"Share your toys"
Do you want your child to grow up being a person who shares from the heart or because they were forced to? A logical step is to own something before you can give it away. As Madonna said, we are material beings in a material world. Forcing your children to share what they believe is theirs will create resentment that you will pay the price for later. If you want your children to grow up to be generous, model that behavior for them to emulate; be generous.
"Obey authority"
Do you want your child to be a people pleaser? Do you want them to be part of the herd? A drone that does and says what is expected of them? Your dilemma is common. You want them to obey you when you ask them to brush their teeth or eat their veggies. This is potentially the most challenging aspect of parenting. How do you maintain respect and order in your household without teaching your child that when someone is bigger and older, it is OK to use or threaten the use of force?
Here are some tips:
Empathize. "You are really upset! Is your need for play not being met?"
Pick your battles and your aid. Next time you are tempted to help your child do something, stop and ask yourself, "Can she do this on her own?" You might be surprised to realize all the things you do that impede your child's growth.
Stick to your word. If you say no then stick with it. Do not give in because of their persistence, whining, or other tactics. Redirecting Children's Behavior has some great ideas along these lines.
Short & sweet expose on what our children actually get out of government schools:
